Hi there. It's me again. it has been a while since i write on this site. And actually, a lot of things happened during that period.
Aku tak ingat bila last post aku, but i believe it was 1 or 2 years ago (?) i guess. During that period, i can say that i grew up, i mean in terms of relationship, financial, and juga karakter aku as a human being. A lot of things yang aku belajaq. Biasalah, dia macam pepatah oghang tua tua kan, pengalaman mendewasakan kita. Gittuew. I learned to be more rational. I learned to be more tolerate towards others. I learned how to control myself. The thing is, you will never stop learning, eventhough hang dah ada sijil ijazah phd master apakejadah benda semua tu, hang still kena belajaq. Dalam proses hang untuk menjadi a human being, hang jugak kena ambil kira few factors. Hang bukan robot. Even robot pun eventhough diorang cipta untuk melengkapkan sesuatu, depa still lack in something. The point is, hang bukan hidup untuk memuaskan hati semua orang. Hang still buat silap. But the problem is, how many times the mistakes can be forgiven ?
Aku mengaku, aku bukan jenis yang senang nak memaafkan oghang. Tapi kalau bende remeh temeh leceh tu pi halal je la. But still, i can say yang aku tk mudah memaafkan orang (it is?). Orang yang kenal aku je kot tau aku ni jenis macam mana. Aku tak kata aku baik, and aku tk kata aku jahat. Maybeee...in between i guess ? Come on guys, i'm still a developing human. It is not easy to determine whether you are a nice person or nah. hahaha. Aku pun ada buat jahat juga. Cuma, jahat aku ramai yang tk tau. And maybe, if diorang tau, they won't even forgive me. kan? Entah lah, kadang aku dah penat tau. Yeah, i know. kita buat benda baik bukan untuk mengharapkan balasan. But at least all i asked is some appreciation (?). Sometimes i don't feel loved. I don't feel needed at all. i'm just....lonely. sometimes. kekadang aku nak jadi macam jo. yeah she's my new friend. the way she deals with her depression is by hurting herself. why? i know. because when the moment we did that, we feel relieved. kita hat rasa kita ni sorang sorang and tak menyusahkan sesiapa. kekadang aku rasa aku nak hidup sorang ja dalam dunia ni. i just wanna lay on the field, watching the stars, and remembering how precious i am...to myself.
Aku dalam stage yang aku dah penat. aku tk tau aku penat pasal apa. maybe oghang nampak aku happy gelak gelak huha sampai terkeluaq nasi lalu hidung, tp that is just temporary. even ada gf pun aku tk happy. aku push dia. aku marah dia. why ? sometimes aku tk tau. aku just nak cari salah dia so that dia boleh benci aku just how i hate everyone. koghang tk pernah rasa macam tu eh. kau nak cari salah orang, tp tak tau salah dia apa. ended up hang just duk terperap dalam bilik, mengharapkan hang tu sebiji almari ka laci ka. dalam stage ni, semua benda yang orang buat, buat aku marah. even if my loved ones did it. tapi kekadang mood aku datang cam biasa baik. good mood etc. entahlah, kadang kadang aku macam ada 2 personaliti. they guy yang caring nak mampus sampai hang cair bak keju dalam gunung berapi, hat lagi satu yang mody pemarah bengis cam sial yang nakkan attention daripada orang sekeliling.
i don't know guys. i just want to avoid everyone. but i know that is impossible haha. btw, here i am. final year student, uitm shah alam, degree in environmental technology. and i have a lot of works to do, tapi sepatah haram pun aku tk buat. fyp, project, events, everything, terkumpul dalam satu kepala. i just hope i can shut my eyes calmly and waking up the next day without thinking these things. tp tulah, new entry supposed to be a new me, but jadi lain pula. aku saja buka balik site ni since that i need a medium to express myself without people knowing it. so yeah. dah takda benda nak cakap dah since that aku dh tulis semuanya (kot). so see you guys next time okay. peace !
*i do not believe why in the hell i wrote with this red sentences babi macam budak budak baru nak up yang cebok pun abah yang cebokkan lol
